Crap Jokes

[Mike M]

What do you call two skunks in the 69 position? Odor eaters!!

What did the one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog after they'd finished having sex? "Hey, we really DO taste like chicken!"

Yeah, I got a million of 'em...

[chinaski]

What do you call the position of 68?

When I come and you don't.


sorry. the skunks made me do it.

[Fr. McGreer]

A ventriloquist visiting Wales walks into a small village and
sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have
some fun, so he says to the Welshman "Can I talk to your dog?"

Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid git"

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Doin' alright"

Villager: (Look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (Pointing at the villager)

Dog: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play"

Villager: (Look of disbelief)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Villager: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either. I think"

Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool"

Villager: (Absolutely dumfounded)

Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the villager)

Horse: "Yep"

Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes

me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements"

Villager: (Total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Villager: (In a panic) "The sheeps a f*cking liar!

[Fr. McGreer]

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, the doctor notices a red 'H' on her chest.

"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.

"Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest.

"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.

"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?

[irainla]

Late News ;Family hold bedside vigil for Ian Paisley .

Now where did I leave my old dancing bag.?

[DownInTheGround]

Why do Marxists drink Earl Grey?

Because proper tea is theft

[Heather]

Two peanuts are walking down the street. One of them is a salted.

[NewJerseyRich]

A nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue."

The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black."

A second little boy says, "Trees are definitely green."

"Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Then little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks, "Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants!"

[Tal]

[happy]

Iam married and still having great sex at 86.
Which would be good except I live a number 22.

[Tal]

I’ve just seen an Apple store get robbed.


I must be an iWitness.



Apparently a lot of sniffer dogs are vanishing into thin air.


Police say they have several leads.

[Tal]

My boss has just announced that he’s going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I’ve got a hunch it might be me

[Fr. McGreer]

It's almost a month since we had a chuckle. Here's one from Jimmy Carr so don't read on if you're a bit PC........

I asked the girlfriend could we play some role play games like Rape. She said no.

I replied............

That's the spirit!

[Guest]

A loving husband finds out his wife has been having an affair with another man.

In his anger, the husband hires a bounty hunter to kill them.

The husband says "I want my wife shot in the head and the other man shot in the balls"


Looking at them through his scope, the bounty hunter replies "I think I can do both with one shot".

[Low D]

At what age do men finish going through puberty?

Six months after death.