Got this off a fella on the Billy Bragg forum... cracking stuff:
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.
Both of you have forgotten your purses.
It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and, *whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes.
Always remembering that until the purse had *actually been thrown* it would be plain wrong to be forward of the other shopper.
Congratulations - You have just learned the offside rule!
I like life.
It gives me something to do.
- if they play like last week against Mont. I'll loss the will to live 
played great against Italy - well better than I've ever seen them play but jesus H the last 4mins was 'flat-liner' sh*t but than Italy are champs and you could see that they where well capable of turning up the heat when they needed it - hence the bl**dy equalizer a minute or two later - B*stards 
. I don't know why 'Trap' WONT pick Andy Reid - he's playing great for Sunderland at the moment and we could do with him on the squad. APOLOGISE for the olde guitar playing Andy and get back on the team where you belong!!!!!
,, And the crack today on local radio is Chris Houghton will get the toon job and to add insult to injury, rumour says big Al Shearer is after the Boro job, Can it get any worse
