Crap Jokes

[Heather]

What do you call a sleep walking nun?

A roamin' Catholic.





Someone keeps putting a layer of soil on my allotment.

The plot thickens.

[Fr. McGreer]

The plot thickens.

[Fr. McGreer]

A fella threw a pint of milk at me today........

How dairy!

[lolevich]

What did the salmon say when it swam into a wall?


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[Low D]

What did the salmon say when it swam into a wall?


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url=http://brides dating.com/blog/ category-russian-girl/ post-why-do-russian-women-look-for-a-husband-abroad/]My blog[/url

Dam

[Heather]

William Shakepeare goes into a pub.
He goes up to the bar and says 'Pint of Stella please mate.'
The barman replies 'I'm not serving you, you're bard.


'

[Heather]

What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?

Chicken-sees-a-salad.

[old barney greyheron]

Heather..are you related to Jimmy Tarbuck? <runs away>

[Fr. McGreer]

Heather..are you related to Jimmy Tarbuck? <runs away>

Oh yeah, an uncanny resemblance <runs away faster>

[Tal]

THEY laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian . . . they’re not laughing now.


A White horse walks into a pub. The landlord says: “Blimey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: “What . . . Eric?”

A Black horse walks into a pub. The landlord says: “Blimey, we’ve got a drink named after you.” The horse replies: “What . . . Red Rum?”

A Black Sheep walks into a pub. The landlord says: “Blimey, we’ve got a drink named after you.” The sheep replies: “What . . . Shaun?”

A black cat walks into a pub. The landlord says: “Blimey, we’ve got a drink named after you.” The cat replies: “What . . . Tom?”

A Pogue walks into a pub. The landlord says: “Blimey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: “What . . . Terry?”


A Redbreast walks into a pub. The landlord says: “Blimey, .....any fly comments from you & you are out.”

[Tal]

I just noticed on the bookies window it said 'Open on a Sunday 11-2'.
I'll have a tenner on that. He was open last Sunday

[Tal]

Is David Cameron ever going to answer the door to that policeman?
He's been waiting there for fecking years.

[Tal]

http://media4.picsearch.com/is?H2qqXOe1 ... height=226


Whoever is humming the Jaws Theme is going to get a slap..

[Tal]

[Tal]

Shock news as Feargal Sharkey is named as Englands number one goalkeeper for Euro 2016.

Roy Hodgson said "A good Hart, these days, is hard to find."