KIDS IN THE HALL
The Death of Rock, or Bobby vs. Mr. Gorgenchuck
| Publication: Kids in the
Hall Transcripts
Transcribed By: Kurt Schroeder
| Bobby:
No, Mr Gorgenchuck, I will not stop rockin' in your classroom.
You're sittin' there telling me about the food chain, well how about the
rock chain? Instead of a cow at the top there's like maybe a guitar. Cause
Mr. Gorgenchuck, if I don't feel free to rock, be it here or anywhere, you
might as well cut off my limbs, might as well cut off my limbs and mail
them to Mother Russia. Cause if I can't rock, I don't want to walk. If I
can't air guitar, I don't want no air at all. So, Mr Gorenchuck, if you
really want me to stop rockin', I hope you're prepared to sand off my face.
Are you sir? Are you prepared to grind me up, burn my bones, and scatter
the ashes in the far reaches of the universe? Cause that is what it's gonna
take sir. You and I are mortal, but rock and roll will never die.
Mr. Gorgenchuck:
Now that's just where you're wrong Bobby. Recent studies show
that rock and roll is, in fact, dying.
Bobby:
What??
Mr. Gorgenchuck:
Popular music has been on the wane since 1974, the year of the
first Bad Company release.
Bobby:
I have that album.
Mr. Gorgenchuck:
Ha ha ha, of course you do Bob. You see poor live performances
by the likes of Chuck Berry and even Jerry Lee Lewis are destroying
the music that they alledge to celebrate. And tests show that a Beach
Boys concert is a very sad thing. This coupled with the growing interest
in ethnic music has undermined the support base of the music that you and
your friends love.
Bobby:
What??
Mr. Gorgenchuck:
Let's see if I can't put this into terms you'll understand.
Say you had 12 beer[s].
Bobby:
Oh, okay. All right!
Mr. Gorgenchuck:
All right! Now let's say that four of those beers represent
the Pogues, another six represent the Gypsy Kings, and one
beer is shared by The Chieftains and Lady Smith Black Mombaza.
Bobby:
Hold it, that only leaves one beer. I'll never get drunk on
one beer!
Mr Gorgenchuck:
Exactly Bob. But learn to nurse that beer and before you know
it, you'll be loving jazz!
Bobby:
Jazz!? Never!!
Mr. Gorgenchuck:
Tests don't lie Bob.
Bobby:
How long...has rock got?
Mr. Gorgenchuck:
According to a computer model, three years. About the time you'll
be graduating.
Bobby:
Then I'll live each day like my rockin' last!
Mr. Gorgenchuck:
Where as I will look forward to the dominance of jazz!
Bobby:
Then you sir are my nemesis!
(Mr Gorgenchuck begins to play the flute...)
Bobby:
No! No! Ahhhh!
[Is it just me, or does anyone feel kind of guilty now? Gee-whiz... Jazz?
-DzM]
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